I was on my way to work last Thursday and was listening to “Morning Edition” on NPR. Terry Pratchett, an author, was being interviewed about his desire to kill himself as his Alzheimer’s disease became too much to bear and the investigation he had done on the practice in the Netherlands.
What struck me as I listened to him was he explained he did not want to kill himself too early, yet he knew that if he waited too long, he might lose the mental capability to accomplish his desired outcome, his own death.
He concluded the interview stating he was not going to kill himself soon as he had many “productive” years in him, and he wanted the story of his life to have a proper ending.
Forgive me for saying, but this is nowhere near a defensible position.
Talk about taking the joy out of mornings as one debates between sticking a toothbrush in your mouth or a nine mm. Ok, I’ll choose the toothbrush, but I’m watching you brain!
On the other hand, if one was able to make it to breakfast, I bet the bacon tastes even more amazing having cheated death one more day. Which is how we should live every day anyway as no day is a given. Each day is a gift, except of course when we are under pressure to produce.
After how many days of idleness can one continue to choose the toothbrush? You want to trust your gut, but your gut’s crazy!
Do you want to taste the bacon? Well, the bacon was almost burnt yesterday.
Do you want to feel the sun on your skin? Well, it’s raining.
Do you pull the trigger?
Are you producing great works of devastating beauty? Well, the last novel was received coolly which you thought was so mean because these critics should know that they could kill you!
They thought they were just being helpful. It’s time to go, they all but write in their pithy critiques, “This could be the last novel, but what an off note to end on. Too bad because it’s not like they’re going to get better. He has a degenerative disease after all.”
He stated in the interview that “world weariness” was not an acceptable reason to want to commit suicide, but he’d be lying if he said he felt good now! He wanted to go out on top, but it’s like they say, “People make plans and God laughs.”
It is so unfair to treat the end of our life as though it is the very same as the middle. Maybe instead of plotting our own deaths, we should spend that mental and emotional energy adapting to our lives. Taking it as it comes and finding the joy in the life we have.
“If this is what you want, Jesus, so do I.” Blessed Ciara Luce Badano said this as she lay dying of bone cancer and in intense pain. She rejected morphine, wanting no pain relief, but only to join her pain to the redemptive suffering of our Lord and thus do incredible and miraculous good with it. Blessed Ciara was only 18 years old and yet her grasp of the eternal was ageless. It gave her a heroic capacity to love deeply in spite of her pain and in fact turn her extreme pain into a tool to love infinitely deeper than most are willing to.
Reflecting on her pending death, Chiara said: “Previously I felt … the most I could do was to let go. Instead, now I feel enfolded in a marvelous plan of God, which is slowly being unveiled to me.” The story of our lives with all its riveting twists and painful turns is written by an author who loves us very much, and for him, even death is only a comma, not a period. The greatest protagonists in life’s story are the saints. They shared the eternal perspective of the Author. That’s why not even the most profound pain could take away their hope. By Christopher Stefanick for the Denver Catholic Register
Blessed Chiara Luce Badano, pray for us!
Amen.
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